Regret or Destiny?: Reflections on Parenthood, Regrets and Real Change

john thomas
Feb 24
3 min read

Do we regret the past… or do we use it as fuel to move forward?

Oh man—have I made mistakes.

Plenty of them.

Big ones. Small ones. Public ones. Quiet ones. The whole spectrum.

And yet, when someone asks me, “What do you regret most in life?” I never really have an answer.

Not because I’m perfect—far from it. But because I refuse to let mistakes go to waste.

Don't Let Mistakes Go to Waste

Lately, I’ve been thinking about this a lot through the lens of becoming a new parent.

When I found out baby Morgan was on the way, I had a moment of clarity. I realized that if I wanted to show up as the dad, husband, and leader I want to be, I needed to make some changes.

Nothing dramatic. No self-loathing. Just honest awareness.

Over the last several months, I’ve lost 20-30 pounds—not because I hated where I was, but because I became mindful of where I wanted to go. I noticed how I felt, how I was moving, how my energy showed up each day. And instead of judging it, I adjusted.

I don’t say these things to boast, but true reflection is how real change happens.

True reflection is how real change happens.

In the same light, no one hands you a rulebook for parenting—or for life. You do the best you can with the information you have in that moment. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t. You learn. You pivot. You try again. And yes, it gets messy and you may be spit up on or have a “blowout” that needs to be cleaned up.

But that mess? That mess results in growth.

Mess Results in Growth

When we stop treating mistakes like anchors and start seeing them as stepping stones, they lose their weight. Failure is heavy. It doesn’t feel good. But it’s also necessary. You don’t grow by staying comfortable. You grow by paying attention and choosing to respond differently.

You could even argue that if you’ve never failed, you haven’t really succeeded—because you haven’t reached your potential yet. You have to climb to your own summit, stumble, and then climb again. That’s how you learn what you’re capable of. If you never fall, you’re probably playing it too safe… and let’s be honest—safe gets boring. And unfulfilling.

Reframing Regret

So when we talk about regret, here’s one way to reframe it: Every “regret” you carry has led you to this exact moment. It shaped who you are today. And that leaves you with two options:

1. You like who you are.

Great. That means the challenges did their job. You learned, adapted, and grew.

2. You don’t like who you are.

Also great. That means you’re standing at a turning point. Those past choices can become fuel—not baggage. This is your moment to change direction.

Reflect & Embrace

If you’ve embraced your past missteps—good on you. Keep going. Take a minute and ask yourself:

What mistakes did I make last year that I don’t want to repeat?

Learn from them. Step off the merry-go-round and find a new and exciting ride.

Final Thoughts

If you look in the mirror and feel stuck in regret, it’s time to flip the script. Those mistakes didn’t break you—they built you. They brought you here, surrounded by these people, reading this newsletter, supported by a community that cares.

Your TOA fitness family has your back. We’re here to help you become the person you want to be.

Regrets are just notches along the path. I don’t see mine as failures—just feedback. Life, much like parenting - as I’m quickly learning - isn’t about getting it perfect. It’s about noticing where you are, adjusting as you go, and getting a little better each day.